At our most recent parent's night, Zephyr's teacher, an amazingly wise an experienced woman whose radiant smile reminds you that Love is abundant in the world, asked us how we think about Reslience and culitvating reslience in our children.
Many tears were shed over the course of the conversation; and tears, those salty extensions of our hearts, are often a sign that something good is happening. That strong medicine is movine through a room. The medicine of connection and caring in this case.
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It's been a while since I've been able to make the time to write. I'm feeling compelled now because something exciting is happening. I've been working a lot with people around triggers and it's been awesome to see the relief and change that's happening.
Okay, wait, what do I mean when I say "trigger?" Yes, I'm talking about those moments where we have a strong emotional reaction to something. But it's bigger than that.
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It's the last night of our trip to Charleston to visit my brother and his family and Zephyr (5 years old) is not cooperating with bedtime. I'm tired and ready to be done parenting and finish packing for our early morning flight.
Zephyr is practically bouncing off the walls.
I notice my nervous system getting more and more charged and can tell I will eventually snap and loose my temper.
"Zephyr, I'm feeling myself getting upset and am worried I might loose my temper if you don't cooperate with bedtime."
In the moment I feel proud about my communication, but later I realize this is kinda a sneaky backhanded threat. I'm essentially saying, "If you don't behave, I'll yell at you." Not exactly my best parenting move, but not my worst either.
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I spent my early twenties vagabonding around New York City and co-creating communal living collectives in Brooklyn. I was young, idealistic, and excited about all the possibilities life holds (I’m still excited about the possibilities life holds and I might still be considered idealistic - what can I say I’m an Aquarian).
Of course communal living is complex, and idealism is hardly a match for interpersonal human dynamics - conflicts arose, friendships were tested, and our some experiments with community living did not succeed.
Somewhere along the way while looking for tools to support healthy community living I came across Non-Violent Communication (NVC) developed my Marshall Rosenberg.
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If the Council of Fathers has even remotely piqued your interest, you’re probably wanting to know a bit more about the Parenting Philosophy that’s central to it all or if there is one.
Well, there are guiding principles which I break up into two categories:
Connection and Community
Growth and Learning
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Things don’t always go as planned. The fact that they sometimes do, feels like a miracle. Our kiddos had the week off after a week of trading places on the sick bed and the interruption to our flow is no joke.
Sometimes it feels great to get a break from the monotony of the weekly rhythm. Other times it feels like the weekly rhythm is a third heartbeat, one that ensures proper circulation for the energy of the family system. When it’s interrupted, it’s like the family system is having a mini-heart attack.
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I’ve been saturated with grief.
It’s been like a fog surrounding me,
not without splotches of sunlight and moments of clarity,
but always lingering
in the background.
It’s not bad
or even uncomfortable,
though I do find myself seeking to avoid it, or solve it.
But grief is more of a process than a thing.
And it ripens like a fruit, over days, not hours.
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Sometimes we just don’t know.
The information doesn’t line up (or there isn’t enough).
The intuition is offline and garbled.
We can’t find the answers,
or maybe a definitive answer doesn’t exist.
Confusion muddles our minds.
Sometimes it’s out of our hands.
We’re waiting on someone else.
It’s something we don’t have control over.
It’s already happened….
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His bright blue eyes focus with determination below his furrowed brow.
“Self, Self,” he says with resolute confidence as he attempts to climb into his carseat.
Heaving himself up and into his seat, he wiggles and contorts his body until he’s proudly sitting face forward ready to be buckled in.
Our little Zephyr is about to turn two.
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