Where does Resilience Come From?

And how do we cultivate resilience in our children?

At our most recent parent's night, Zephyr's teacher, an amazingly wise an experienced woman whose radiant smile reminds you that Love is abundant in the world, asked us how we think about Reslience and culitvating reslience in our children.

Many tears were shed over the course of the conversation; and tears, those salty extensions of our hearts, are often a sign that something good is happening. That strong medicine is movine through a room. The medicine of connection and caring in this case.

One parent, spoke to letting his children struggle as a way of building resilience. His default would be to make things easier for them, to take away the strife. But by allowing them to work through the adversity of a moment, he's gifting them with learning that they can do it. It was good reminder for me.

Somehow, in the space of palpabable expectancy that filled the room after she asked the question, two core qualities rushed into my heart.

The first was a quality I could only name as "faith" or "hope." It's a sense that this world is infused with and guided by something beyond us, and that the world/universe/"God"/"Spirit" wants the good for us. I wouldn't coin this sense a "belief" because there's a "felt quality" that I experience with it. This sense keeps me going when the fuel tank is nearly empty. This quality is why I never had doubts about wanting to become a father. And it's how I ended up in the healing work I do.

I became aquainted with it as a child; in Jewish day school through prayer and story and ritual.  And so, prayer and story and ritual are something we strive to infuse our home with. To share our relationship to this felt sense of "spirit" or "something greater" with our children as they grow. So when they face hard times (which undoubtedly they will), they have a connection to something that can support them and give them strength. Something that transcends time and space. Something that, though intangible in the physical sense, is potently palpable in one's heart.

The second quality, I called "adventure." This quality is brigther and bubblier. It's fun and playful and a bit trickster, but it's also strong and bravely prepared to face the unknown. "Adventure" shows up when we travel and explore out in nature. It recognizes that things don't always go as planned, and trusts in its ingenuity to come up with solutions to the puzzles it encounters. It also has a sense of endurance, an ability to push through challenges if needed. And "Adventure" knows there are treasures and magical guides and allies all along the way waiting to help us if we know when and how to ask.

In the class, at the parent evening, we continued to share. The teacher read a passage from Brene Brown's "Daring Greatly" which brought me to tears. And eventually we all closed the circle. I believe we all felt more resilient knowing we're knit into a community of humans devoted to raising the next generation with Love.

What helps you feel resilient? How do you share that with those around you?

With a hopeful and adventuresome heart,

Noah