And, perhaps more relevant to our conversation today that I stand before you as a cis-gendered upper middle class white male of Jewish decent. That carries an array of impacts on my lived experience and therefor what I share and how I share and what we do here together. We’re exploring a topic that for many people is charged and involves hurt and pain as well as love and goodness. I stand here humbly and fully aware of my limitations (including how much time we have). And so I apologize in advance if anything I say is in any way hurtful or harmful and request that you reach out and connect and help me understand and grow if that happens.
And finally, I’d like to just say explicitly that masculinity and patriarchy (from where I stand) are two very different things, although entangled. My hope that as we rebirth masculinity we contribute the crumbling of the patriarchy… and in that note, let’s dive in.
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At our most recent parent's night, Zephyr's teacher, an amazingly wise an experienced woman whose radiant smile reminds you that Love is abundant in the world, asked us how we think about Reslience and culitvating reslience in our children.
Many tears were shed over the course of the conversation; and tears, those salty extensions of our hearts, are often a sign that something good is happening. That strong medicine is movine through a room. The medicine of connection and caring in this case.
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I hope you're enjoying the way the spring is beckoning growth... with warm sun and cold wet rain and snow. There's a lot of change happening out there. It can be hard to digest it all.
I've been trying to find the moments where I can pause and slow things down to make it all feel more manageable.
I've been sitting with questions around urgency and rushing and business. I'm noticing how the buzzy anxiety that arises in my system when I run "the list" through my head actually freezes me up and slows me down…
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It's been a while since I've been able to make the time to write. I'm feeling compelled now because something exciting is happening. I've been working a lot with people around triggers and it's been awesome to see the relief and change that's happening.
Okay, wait, what do I mean when I say "trigger?" Yes, I'm talking about those moments where we have a strong emotional reaction to something. But it's bigger than that.
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"I can't believe I did that again!"
"I'm not good at this"
"I don't deserve this this"
Whether it's through voices in our heads, emotions, or feelings in our bodies, we all experience "negativity." Self criticism, anxiety, depression, rage, anger, grumpiness, blah's are an inherent part of the human experience.
In fact, as I'm writing this, my internal cynic editor is annoyed by the triteness of that last sentence.
But we're going somewhere important, so I won't let myself get too caught up in that.
Behind all of the negativity is a positive intent.
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Boxes and Boxes. Stacked here and there. Packing paper strewn all over the place.
An ongoing echo, "Where should I put this?"
Moving is a huge undertaking.
Sorting. Cleaning. Junking. Saving. Grieving. Releasing. Crying. Organizing. Cursing. Laughing. Remembering. Grieving some more. Fighting. Repairing. Doubting. Celebrating. Grieving. Crying. Giving stuff away. Buying new stuff. Feeling Confused. Feeling happy. Feeling Sad. Feeling Hungry. Not Feeling Hungry. Sorting more. Moving things around. Looking at the room and moving things around again.
"Where do I put this?"
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It’s probably no surprise that I went through a rebellious hippy counterculture phase in college (I might still be in that phase on some level). During that time I was seeking soulful culture.
When I say soulful culture I mean a culture that recognizes the innate and priceless value of all things and has reverence for the world.
It was clear this was not to be found in the confines of modern western culture; a culture known for commodification and quanitification.
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It's the last night of our trip to Charleston to visit my brother and his family and Zephyr (5 years old) is not cooperating with bedtime. I'm tired and ready to be done parenting and finish packing for our early morning flight.
Zephyr is practically bouncing off the walls.
I notice my nervous system getting more and more charged and can tell I will eventually snap and loose my temper.
"Zephyr, I'm feeling myself getting upset and am worried I might loose my temper if you don't cooperate with bedtime."
In the moment I feel proud about my communication, but later I realize this is kinda a sneaky backhanded threat. I'm essentially saying, "If you don't behave, I'll yell at you." Not exactly my best parenting move, but not my worst either.
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I did mushrooms for the first time over winter break during my Freshman year of college. It wasn’t spontaneous. I was the kind of kid who was curious, but also cautious. I did copious amounts of research and thanks to a few friends and Andrew Weil, a progressive doctor who's written books on the topic, I decided to take the leap.
I did so in a pretty thought out way. I was aware of the importance of set and setting and had an experienced friend facilitate the day for me. It was magical and beautiful and wonderful. And it opened my mind in a particular new way….
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Last week while driving Hazel home from school I was startled to see a plume of smoke rising up from what looked like our backyard. I called 911 to report it, they were aware. As I got closer to home I realized that indeed the fire was a stone's throw away from our home. I called Rachael to let her know and so she could join me in the pack-up.
It's not the first time we've done the runaround. Gathering irreplacable items. An heirloom Martin guitar. Photo albums from before the digital age. Art. All while doing our best to tend the impressionable nervous systems of our young children.
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